Sleep In Peace
by bean21
Summary: Part of Harry wanted to turn and run, rather than face this pain and responsibility. But he couldn't. He owed far too much to the parents whom the child in this house would never know.


Harry stood before the thick wooden door, willing himself to knock, but somehow unable to raise his hand. Part of him wanted to turn and run, rather than face this pain and responsibility. It was too soon, too difficult. A thousand excuses came to his mind. All he had to do was pick one, turn around, and leave. But he couldn't. He owed far too much to the parents whom the child in this house would never know.

Finally he raised his fist, but before he could knock the door swung quietly open. He bit his lip, astounded once again by the similarities between the woman before him and her sister. But that sister was gone forever, and, as before, Andromeda Tonks's resemblance to Bellatrix Lestrange lessened with each passing moment. With a twinge of remorse Harry noted that the woman's wide, kind eyes were red and puffy. For a fleeting instant he wondered how much of the last few months this lady had spent in tears.

The two simply stared at each other for a full minute. All the words he had rehearsed had abandoned Harry's mind as the door opened. Finally, Andromeda Tonks broke the strained silence.

"Harry. I saw you coming up the walk. You're here to see Teddy."

It was a statement, not a question. Still, Harry nodded.

"He's asleep right now, but please, come inside."

Harry stepped slowly into the warm house. He had come here on one other occasion, and the trip had almost cost him his life. That had been the same night he'd lost both Hedwig and Mad-Eye Moody. And he'd lost others since then. Harry fought against the lump that suddenly rose in his throat, aware that Tonks's mother was looking at him intently. He knew he should say something.

"Mrs. Tonks –"

"Please, call me Andromeda."

"Andromeda, then." He took a deep breath. "I am so sorry-"

But she held up her hand to silence him. "Harry Potter, you, of all people, will never have to apologize. We all owe you so much. I am honored to have you as my guest."

"Thank you," he said quietly. "But please let me say that I am sorry for your losses."

Andromeda closed her eyes for a brief moment. "Thank you," she whispered. "My husband wished he could have done more. My daughter-" Her voice caught in her throat. "My daughter would have been proud to fight to the end, alongside her husband. As for Remus Lupin . . ." Andromeda didn't finish her sentence, but her voice had hardened considerably.

Harry straightened, feeling a twinge of anger. Was Andromeda blaming Lupin? Or was she possibly happy that he was gone?

"As for Remus Lupin," Harry said, an edge to his voice, "he was one of the bravest, noblest men I ever knew. Your daughter loved him, and he loved her just as much. I know for a fact that he's sorry he won't know Teddy." _He told me so himself, _Harry added in his mind. "And he may have been a werewolf, but he, he always thought of others, he was always so . . ." He trailed off, at a loss for words, trying to keep all his emotions under control.

Andromeda's eyes narrowed. For a moment, Harry thought she would tell him to leave. But then she sighed, looking extremely weary and far older than she was.

"I'm sorry, Harry," she said, very slowly. "I never got to know Remus well. But I don't doubt what you say. It's just been so very hard, and I haven't known what to think for so long." She sighed once more. "Perhaps, then, as you tell Teddy about his father, you can tell me about my son-in-law."

Harry nodded, his anger dying away, leaving behind the hollow grief that had been gnawing at him for so many days.

Before Harry could speak again, the silence was abruptly broken. From another room, a small baby had begun to cry. Tears rose in Andromeda's eyes. "He's awake again," she murmured. "He hasn't slept well since . . ." Without finishing the sentence she began to leave the room. In the doorway she turned back to Harry.

"Please, make yourself comfortable. There's some pumpkin juice there, if you would like it. I'll just try to calm Teddy down, and then you can come see him."

Without another word she left, hurrying away to where the child's cries were getting increasingly louder. Harry poured himself a small glass of pumpkin juice, then looked around the sitting room. It seemed that everywhere he looked he saw pictures of Tonks, all with various shades of hair. In most of the pictures she was with her parents, and the three of them were laughing and waving at him, as if nothing could ever go wrong. On the coffee table was another small, unframed picture. Harry looked down at it, and he felt like his heart had jumped into his throat – a feeling that we becoming all too familiar. Tonks was smiling up at him, her hair a brighter shade of pink than he had ever seen it. In her arms was a round-faced, newborn baby boy with turquoise hair that Harry had only seen in one other picture, not many days ago. And standing next to them, with his arm around Tonks, was Lupin, smiling more broadly and looking far younger than Harry had ever seen him. The picture had small water stains on it that Harry assumed were tears. Swallowing hard, he turned away.

Teddy's cries were still coming to him from the other room. If anything, they were getting louder. He could hear Andromeda trying her hardest to comfort the boy, but he blushed a little at hearing her own sobs. Harry was filled with a sudden urge to go in and help her. But he hung back, wondering where on earth this mad urge had come from. He had never spent time around children, unless you counted Dudley, and he had certainly never tried to calm a screaming child. How would he know what to do? But somehow a deep resolution was overcoming both his fears and his excuses.

Setting his pumpkin juice next to the picture on the coffee table, Harry left the sitting room. Following the sounds of Teddy's cries, he walked down a short hallway and into a small bedroom. He immediately recognized it as the one in which he and Hagrid had taken a portkey to the Burrow on his last visit here. Now there was a small crib in the corner, and in it, the same round-faced baby he had seen in the pictures. Teddy's hair was now a brilliant, furious shade of scarlet. Huge tears were streaming down his scrunched up face as he screamed. Tonks's mother was sitting on the bed, her face buried in her hands. Embarrassed, Harry cleared his throat loudly. Andromeda jumped up, blushing as she wiped away her own tears.

"I-I'm sorry," Harry stuttered, "but I just thought that maybe I could help."

Andromeda nodded, sitting down again. Harry moved slowly closer to the crib.

"Hello, Teddy," he said, feeling awkward and questioning his idea to come in at all. "Uh, I'm Harry."

For a brief second, Teddy's crying slowed. He blinked his huge eyes at Harry, who offered him a small smile, feeling slightly more confident. But then Teddy closed his eyes and began to cry again, louder and harder than before.

"Um, alright," Harry stammered, "it's going to be ok, Teddy. Everything's going to be alright." Acting on instinct, he reached out and awkwardly lifted the infant into his arms.

_Hermione would be so much better at this, _he thought to himself.

"Shh, it's alright, Teddy." He sighed, suddenly forgetting every theory he had on how best to comfort a baby, simply wishing for a moment that he, like Teddy, could just give vent to his feelings.

"Listen," he said quietly into the baby boy's ear, "I know what it's like to have problems sleeping at night. I know how it feels to be afraid, or to think that you're alone. And I know what it's like to not have your parents there to comfort you and tell you that everything's going to be ok."

Without taking note of what he was doing, Harry had begun to gently bounce Teddy in his arms. "And sometimes it's ok to cry, and it's ok to miss them. To miss everyone you've lost. But you know what, Teddy?" His eyes were closed, and he was holding Teddy close to his chest. He was oblivious to his surroundings. Only vaguely did he note that Teddy's screams had gradually become a soft whimper. All that mattered was making this child in his arms understand what he himself could barely put into words. "You know what? It's still going to be alright. Because you still have so many people who love you. And your Mum and Dad made sure that you would always be safe and happy. You have your Grandma, and she's going to look after you. And, you have me."

Harry started at the gentle touch on his arm. Andromeda, her face streaked with tears, was smiling kindly at him. "He's asleep, Harry," she whispered.

Harry nodded. Slowly and as carefully as he could, he placed the tiny boy back into his crib. Teddy stirred a little then lay still, his hair, now turquoise again, standing out against the white sheets. Harry looked down at him in amazement, not quite sure what he had done to calm the child, and even less sure of why it had worked. Andromeda Tonks gently placed her hand on Harry's arm again.

"Thank you, Harry," she said kindly. "I think you'll be a wonderful godfather."

Taking a deep breath, Harry gave her a slightly sheepish smile. "Is it alright if I stay here for a few minutes with him?" Harry asked. "Just to make sure he stays asleep," he added quickly.

Smiling with understanding, Andromeda turned away. She planted a gentle kiss on Teddy's bright blue head, then quietly left the room. Now it was Harry's turn to sit on the bed, suddenly finding it difficult to stand. He stared at the baby before him, now sleeping perfectly soundly, as if nothing had happened. For several minutes they stayed that way, and with each passing minute Harry felt his affection for the small boy growing. Finally he stood.

"Teddy Remus Lupin," he whispered, "you will always have people to care for you. You will grow up knowing how great your father and mother were, knowing how much they loved you, and knowing what they fought for and how they gave their lives to protect you and keep you safe. They never meant to leave. But I know they did it for you. No matter what you grow up to be," he said, remembering Lupin's fears of the boy's nature, "you will be a great wizard, and you will not be made an outcast. As long as I live, and as far as it is in my power, I will make sure that you always have a home and a loving family."

For what felt like the first time in many days, Harry truly smiled. He reached down and held the small fist in his own hand, realizing, as if for the first time, that this was his godson.

"Sleep in peace tonight, Teddy."


End file.
